Sarah, my girlfriend, has been making some extra money on the weekends by dressing up as Mrs. Claus at a mall in the suburbs. She got the gig through ComedySportz, a theater that is very good at hooking its performers up with promotional work. She works with Prouty, who plays the Nutcracker Prince.

Sarah: We've had a couple different Santas.
Prouty: We've had Creepy Santa, Fast Santa...
Me: Which Santa did you have today?
Prouty: New Santa.
Sarah: We've never seen this Santa before.

They keep the kids organized in the Santa line and do a skit retelling the story of the Nutcracker (with added moments of karate).

Sarah: I've had a couple parents joke that I look too young and thin to be Mrs. Claus.
Prouty: "Oh no! I'm too young and thin!"
Me: Just tell them you're not Santa's first wife.